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One of the reasons I like living out here in rural Ontario is the calmer,
more neighborly atmosphere as compared to big-city living. I may be naive but
I think my kids are safer because they are not exposed to the daily intensity,
crime, and dangers of urban life. But if you're like me, we need to open our eyes
to the reality that the Internet places a different world right on our doorstep.
This article summarizes some of the key lessons taught from a seminar from Samantha
Wilson of Kidproof Canada. Read it all. There are many useful links at the bottom of
the page. And visit www.kidproofcanada.com
to learn more from Samantha, a former police officer, about keeping kids safe.
Putting Kids and the Internet into Perspective
Don’t Fear it. Embrace It by Getting Informed.
Online Safety is an issue, no question. But just because it poses risks should not mean that it should be condemned. The Internet offers tremendous benefits to us just like driving a vehicle does. But if we know how to use it properly, just as we know how to drive a car, we can maximize it’s potential while minimizing the risk. You wouldn’t prevent your kids from driving in a car, right? Rather, you would teach them about safety and to fasten their seat belt. Approach the Internet in the same way and get informed.
The Internet is Not a Thing - It’s a Place
Just like our generation may have hung out at the mall, today’s kids hang out online. This perspective of the Internet being a place to gather and socially interact is fundamental. As parents, we need to embrace the fact that “hanging out” is a part of teen social development and that the Internet is one of today’s preferred places. A study shows that communication is the #1 online activity of teens and this makes total sense. While we preferred to tie up our family’s telephone in our day, our kids are using the Internet to chat. They are no different – they have simply chosen a different medium to do so.
The Same Safety Lessons Apply as for a Physical Place
Our kids have all no doubt been raised with teachings of manners and conduct in a public place. You don’t shout, don’t speak ill of others, don’t go off with strangers, etc. While the Internet presents a new medium, the same risks and code of conduct apply as in any other public place. The key difference between a physical public place and the Internet is that the Internet is a global place and anonymity is very easy. Even so, the best way to teach kids about online safety is to apply the same common sense lessons they have already learned.
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From Safe Kids, Safe Families, Samantha says times have changed when it comes to streetproofing your kids.
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Putting your child's name (and address) on everything they own | Using a symbol (heart, three moons, squiggle) to keep your child's name free from outsiders' view |
Teaching your child not to talk to strangers
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Teaching your child not to go anywhere with anyone without asking permission first
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Instructing another adult to tell your child a secret code word to communicate they can be trusted
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Promising your child you will never send anyone to pick them up without first telling them or the school
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What are the risks and what strategies minimize them?
Primary Risks: Inappropriate Material, Online Predators, Cyber-bullying
Inappropriate material refers to children’s accidental viewing of content such as pornography. While there is much
wonderful content on the web, there is unfortunately maliciously placed content for our kids to discover.
Online predators are not pedophiles (who seek out young children). Predators tend to seek out kids aged 13-17 who are
considered the most vulnerable. Predators go to the "places" teenagers will likely be which include chatrooms and
online games which represent the #1 and #2 online activities of this age group. Predators also exploit personal
information revealed on teenagers’ personal web pages and use this information to lure kids and meet them face-to-face. Children most vulnerable within this age group are those who may have low self-esteem or are experiencing parent-child conflict at home.
Cyber-bullying is the same as normal bullying except that the Internet is used as a tool to bully. Cyber-bullying includes malicious e-mails to the target, slanderous postings in chat-rooms and even web pages aimed solely to harrass the target.
STRATEGY=
Keep lines of communication open with your child. Discuss the risks and strategies mentioned in this article and in other resource links.
Look for warning signs which include sudden withdrawal from use of the computer, changes in behavior, and use of “red flag” net lingo (see below) with contacts.
Apply age-appropriate supervision.
Get to know what your kids are doing online. Don’t be afraid – go where they go.
Keep your computer in a central location in the house. Resist kids’ plea to have a computer in their room. A central location improves your ability to supervise and monitor limits.
Chatrooms versus Instant Messaging
These are not the same thing. Instant messaging, such as with MSN Messenger, is a controlled communications tool where you or your child control who is allowed to communicate with you. It’s like deciding who is allowed on the speed dial of your telephone. Contacts on your child’s buddy list can only get there with express permission, so as long kids are taught appropriate behavior with strangers this communications tool frankly frees up your telephone for your important calls!
Chatrooms are another matter because anyone can enter them and this is where predators can hang out. In general, chatrooms should be discouraged. But if chatrooms will be allowed, at least make sure the chatroom is moderated. Beware, however, that you know nothing about the character of the moderator.
STRATEGY=
Check chatrooms out to learn what goes on (get informed!). Some good examples are www.nexopia.com or www.teenspot.com.
Teach your kids that what you see is not always what you get. The anonymity of the web makes it very easy to present a false face.
If allowing, set chatroom limits such as time limits, only allowing when an adult is home, or only allowing pre-approved moderated sites.
Supervise appropriately for the age group.
You wouldn’t let your five-year-old go to a shopping mall without complete supervision. Thus you should sit beside them while they are on the Internet. But a teenager expects independence once they have demonstrated awareness and established trust with the parent. Your teenager should also be supervised on the Internet to the same extent required before you are confident they are “street-proofed”. For example, if you daughter is going to the mall, you might automatically ask “who are you going with?” It should follow that if your daughter is chatting on MSN, you might ask “how well do you know all these people on your buddy list?”.
Common Sense Lessons to Online Safety
Keep children’s personal information private. This includes their name, pictures, and address information but also other revealing information that might be used to lure your child away. Insist your child seek permission before filling in online contests or registration forms. Choose a non-revealing online name to protect privacy.
Teach children to trust their instincts. If they feel uncomfortable with an online exchange they should be encouraged to report it to you without fear of losing their online privileges. In fact, to help “keep the neighborhood clean” they should be encouraged to report all instances of inappropriate material or illicit approaches. Such events should be reported to www.cybertip.ca, which is like the 911 for the Internet.
Keep behavior associated with online activity in perspective. When you were a teenager, were you secretive? Did you try to keep your social interactions private? You kids are no different – they are simply doing things in a new place. The best way to distinguish between normal and concerning behavior is to keep the lines of communication open!
Security Tools to be Aware Of
There is no foolproof security system just as there is no foolproof assurance when your child goes to the mall with friends. The best strategy is to implement as many layers of safety so that if one fails, another method will catch a threat. Here is a list of possbible tools to implement:
Get your kids to use a kid-friendly search engine when researching for school projects. A good example is http://kidscorner.sympatico.msn.ca/ which has screened content to be appropriate for children.
Implement email filters to bar spam and inappropriate emails. This site provides a summary of possible commercial filters and reviews their capabilities.
Routinely check your browser’s history to see what sites have been visited. If you don’t recognize one or worry that it is inappropriate click on it and check it out.
Regularly check who is on your child’s instant messaging buddy list. Are they known friends or are they strangers?
If your child uses instant messaging such as MSN, enable "Keep History" so that you can review all conversations if you need to. Treat this as a non-negotiable for the privilege of using the Internet. Your child may resist that you are invading their privacy and this is a delicate area. You will need to discuss with your child that you are not intending to "eavesdrop" on their conversations but if it becomes necessary to protect their safety you need to maintain a record. If necessary, consult www.netlingo.com to decipher what is being said. Red flag lingo includes:
F2F (face to face)
ILU (I love you)
IPN (I’m posting naked)
WGP (Want to go private?)
POS (Parent over shoulder)
If your child is creating a personal web space, set the access permissions to your contact list only. Do not let children’s personal web pages be public!
Implement additional parental controls to suit your personal circumstances. There is not a "one size fits all" set of controls so it is best to assess what your concerns are. Visit www.bewebaware.com for a comprehensive discussion of Internet risks and parental control alternatives. You can also check out www.join.msn.com/?page=features/parental for ideas on what controls are right for you. Finally, visit your local retailer to seek out the right product for you.
If you’re not sure whether your child has personal information on the Internet for all to see, simply google their name. That is, go to www.google.com and enter their name bracketed by apostrophe’s (e.g. "John Smith") and check out what turns up.
Consult www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/using/games/getstarted/esrbratings.mspx to get information on video game ratings.
Other links to check out are http://safety.sympatico.msn.ca/children/children.asp and` http://pcsafety.sympatico.msn.ca.
Additional Thoughts?
This is an important topic that concerns us all. If you have any additional thoughts, ideas, comments, questions, please visit our discussion corner and share them.
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